The day for writing has finally come. After a long and painful battle with cancer, my brother found peace. The day after school ended for summer break. Great timing.
Friday afternoon I had discussed with the kids how we were going to “get so much done” “be organized” and “have a schedule that included having fun!” I was stoked for summer! (Even if most of my family was going to Disneyland and we were not) We were making our wish to do list for the summer and everything, I mean each and every bit of the list was going to be done! (No one put Disneyland, or a comparable, on the list so I was okay with the budget)
Plans changed and the TV became the only thing on the list. I feel so honored in being able to put that list on hold for a few days. Okay, a few weeks but not months.
That Friday, I went to help my brother get ready for his last doctor appointment. When he told me he loved me, his voice had a different tone than usual. He had said those words to me often enough that I knew them. But he looked at me and said, “It’s soon.”
The tears were in both our eyes as I tried to wave it off. I said, “The Lord had plenty of chances to take you before.”
He sighed, looked at the ground and went on to explain how weak he was feeling, among other things. He repeated that he wanted to be sure I knew he loved me and appreciated me. That was the most priceless TV time my kids could ever have.
The next morning my mom called. It was time. He wasn’t kidding it was soon. I had that conversation with him less than 24 hours before he left the disease behind.
The kids Saturday was also filled with television, XBOX, and their loving dad. My husband cared for the kids without question when I hung up the phone and called out, “I’m going to Bryce’s!” I grabbed the keys and left without a word more.
What more can I say about that day other than nothing can compare to holding the hand of a loved one moments before they are gone.
I called relatives and had out of town company stay at my house for a week. Life was on hold at the same time it was crazy busy. All the friends that helped in the past came around again offering condolences, cookies, and lasagna.
One week later my husband and I attended the second wedding for that day, after going to a funeral for a neighbor in the morning, and helping with their family luncheon that followed.
I realized, or remembered rather, how being involved is what gets us through it all. If we were not active in our church we would have a much smaller support group.
Knowing this, I was eager to offer a salad today for yet another funeral. Knowing this I was also less than excited to have the day I did which diminished my abilities to help.
The truck would not start at the end of swim lessons. No problem. Call the tow truck, have the fix it place give us a ride home, beg the driver to return the library books. Have a snow cone while we wait and make a few new friends. No problem. Walk to the park for lunch instead of drive? No problem at all. I have been meaning to get more exercise.
Fall out of the truck while attempting to get the boosters our and hurt my bad ankle again? That’s a little more of a problem. Joke about stopping by the hospital on the way home and sit on the couch indefinitely. Practice hopping or scooting everywhere I go. Be glad there is a bathroom on the main floor, and allow ten year old to be “in charge”. Well, that took care of the salad problem, but I am a control freak. I really should try to let him have more responsibilities.
Have a great excuse for Hubby to do the dishes and finally get a chance to write. No problem!
I really should stop asking for things like “I wish I could make more opportunities to write”, or, “I wish I took more time to exercise”. Even the phrase, “I should let my kids have more responsibilities” should be thought with caution and should certainly never be mentioned out loud! Well, all my goals are on their way to accomplishment.
Maybe next week I will get to that routine and to do list.