A mother by any other name would be as sweet?

 

Maybe you’re like me and you have lots of things people call you, mommy, hey you, lady with all those kids…  but what really makes a mother sweet?  Simply the love she has for her children and the time she spends loving them amplifies her sweetness.

Now that my kids are all older (the quads will be 17 years old next month!) I have been able to look back with fondness, and more than a little … shall we call it regret?  I suspect if you’re like me you would do the same.

There have been so many things I wish I have done better, been more consistent in disciplining and teaching my kids chores, more consistent in taking pictures of them growing up, and just plain more of a better mom.

But, who is to say I was not enough?  They would be wrong.  I hope you would realize that looking back on your life too.  We are enough.  We try our best, even if our best seems like it is not good enough from time to time.  We just keep trying.  Because they are our kids and somehow that makes them special.  Just because they are ours.

We love our kids into and through being teenagers even though, well, they are teenagers.  Transitioning from being a child to being a responsible adult means testing the limits and challenging the rules that were so respectfully and kindly followed just a few years earlier.  We worry, we cry, and sometimes we yell.  But we always love and care for them. Regardless of how ‘teenager’ they behave. Because they are ours.

And they love us back, because we are theirs. Often we forget or they certainly don’t want us to believe they still love us as they are embarking out to be all grown up. Sometimes though, if we listen to the litter patter of the past and tune into their hearts we can still hear it having a piece of us within.

And sometimes, if we allow them to make their own choices and have their own opinions, they will tell us.

Some of the things I have heard from my teenagers lately go like this:

“Yeah, Mom.  My friends asked me why you hate me.”

“What? Why would they think I hate you?  Do you think I do?”

“No.  They just don’t see a reason for the rules.  You know, like the 24 hour notice for something on the schedule and needing know where I am all the time. I know you love me.”

And then there was this other conversation that went like this:

Me to my son, “What do you think?”

“Well, I’m frustrated. But it doesn’t last very long because I go think about what you tell me and why and then I know you are right.  So then I’m not as frustrated anymore.”

And my favorite from this last week:

Me to him with that regrettable impatience we talked about earlier: “Why were you on your phone and not coming to get in the car?”

“Oh, because I was talking with a friend about you and how you were looking for me earlier.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I was telling him you were just trying to bring me a snack. He says you’re the best mom.  He’s right!  You are the best, Mom. Thanks.”

So after all this time, as the kids approach their birthday with only one year left until I don’t get to say “because I’m the mom” or use the excuse of “you’re not 18 yet’  there is some proof that I have done a good enough job. Good enough even in the eyes of my kids. Not all of them express it verbally, but I choose to believe they all feel similar in their hearts. I am good enough.

I’m sure you are, too.

Stop and Go? Oh, NO!

Today my son came home with a “Notice of Disciplinary Action” explaining that he had received a “stop and go”. This is the last resort in the discipline plan before they call parents into the principal’s office to discuss more drastic measures. This is pretty serious.  It doesn’t get much more serious than this.

My first thoughts were “What could he possibly have done?”  Then I thought, “Who did he hurt?”

This is the same son who had been called on to step in and help a friend who has been being bullied on the way home from school last week.  Did he get into a fight at school with them?  Surely he couldn’t have been in trouble for defending his friend since we had already talked with the teacher and principal about the situation already, although they did say they were not allowed to get a big brother to help. 

There are so many things I don’t understand. They advise us that they need to get an adult for help, but a brother doesn’t count.  Because my older son got to the door first and went to meet the kids before I could, the principal was not able to discipline the bullies the way she would have liked to.  I don’t understand that.  Is it twisted somehow that now my son is the one in trouble instead of the bully?

I was proud of my boys for sticking together and trying to help the smaller kids that were getting picked on. Now I wondered if I was going to be at odds with the school. What could he have possible done that would be worse than the other boys trying to fight with them.  They were not able to be disciplined.

So, I quickly read the letter. His consequences are that he had to miss recess and write an essay about why he was in trouble.  

Why was he in trouble?  He wouldn’t stop reading.  He had been asked to put his book away twice in the same day and he kept reading instead of listening to the teacher. What?  Yup.  My kids like to read more than listen to the teacher.

What a nice problem I have.  I bet lots of parents would love it if their kids loved to read so much.  I think I might have to work that into a business plan of some sort.  “How to get your kids to love reading”

I love the life I have and would not trade my problems for anything else!   Here’s hoping your problems are as wonderful as mine!  I am off to figure out how to discipline my kid for being too awesome for the teacher to handle.

Is it time to decorate yet?

This morning we woke to frost on the back of the car.  My son exclaimed. “See!  I told you it was the Christmas season!”

We have been discussing this for about a week now.  He says we should decorate for the holidays now that it is no longer summer.  Yesterday I tried to convince him that we should celebrate the now.  He would have nothing to do with it.  I told him, “No.  We are not putting up Christmas lights until after Halloween. No!”

He continued to plead his case.  My husband said, “That’s the rule.  We do not decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving.”

“But WHY? There’s nothing to Halloween and Thanksgiving is part of the Christmas season!”

Often I don’t have a compelling enough argument to win a debate.  I am glad when my husband steps in even though I don’t always agree with him either.  I would have been fine letting him decorate his room after Halloween. 

Once upon a time we decorate our house with lights around the roof.  After many months I decided I would be the one to take them down.  When I got up there, something weird happened and I found myself unable to move, unable to finish taking the lights off, and unable to turn around and get myself off the roof.  I was frozen with some crazy fear that I didn’t realize I had until I was already in the middle of it. 

My brother was a fire fighter at the time and rescued people all the time.  Bless his soul, he never did post those embarrassing pictures on Facebook or anywhere that I know of.  He came and helped me down and finished taking the lights off the rood for me.  I love my brother.  I love decorating for the holidays.  I did not love being stuck on the roof. 

We created a new tradition that serves us better.  Now the kids each get a strand of lights to decorate their bedrooms on the inside.  We put those little push pins around the ceiling and try to be careful of where the cord ends up so there aren’t any places to trip over it or be dangerous.  The kids have loved this!  They get to choose their own colors.  I get to let them participate more than if the lights were just on the roof.

About an hour after the last “No!  That’s the rule.  We don’t decorate until after Thanksgiving.” I found my son in his room with a strand of lights, plugged in and already headed up to the ceiling. The disagreement was resurrected.  I was called some names like Scrooge, and other more creative names.  At least he didn’t call me a flush down the toilet again.  That was a great day.

So, this morning when we found the frost on the windows he began again.  Boy, is he ever persistent!  I asked him why he wanted it to be Christmas so bad.  “Is it just for the presents?  What if you don’t get what you want?  Would you still be this determined for it to be the holiday season?”  I was sure I had caught him in a trap now, since he has been making sure I know what he wants for Christmas since August. Then I reminded him that we need to celebrate the now, enjoy each holiday and not skip over them. 

His response surprised me.  He was a little angry and asked, “Does that mean I won’t be getting it?”

“No, not necessarily.  I just wonder, what if you didn’t get it? Would you still love Christmas?”

“Mom!  We’ve already been over this!  First, it’s not summer.  Second there will be snow.  There’s the family sleepover, sledding, hot cocoa, a second Thanksgiving sized dinner, family time. Celebrating our Savior’s birth.  Presents are just like extra wow!”  He threw his arms out to the sides and made a big noise of excitement.  “Besides, Mom.  Halloween doesn’t celebrate anything.  It’s just to be scary and over sugared. There’s nothing real about Halloween anymore.”

I was put in my place, once again.  I decided to change the subject.  It was early in the morning so I made the observation that the sun is not coming up as early as it used to. “Wow.  It sure is dark for this time of day.”

He said, “See Mom!  It just goes to prove that it’s the Christmas Season!”

If he can convince my husband, we might be decorating this week. At least in their own rooms.

There's a Jokester Among Us

The first day of school has arrived!  We can confidently say we survived the summer and so far, the school year has been great!  No complaints yet, other than the teacher spelled Brenden’s name wrong.  That will be an interesting relationship.  I trust he will be forgiving.  If anyone lets go of grudges it is Brenden. The boys get o share a teacher and Lily gets her own.  We are not homeschooling this year since she has completed the rigorous learn to read program.  We will still struggle with the dyslexia, but she can read!  On to the building of learning!

As the kids enter fourth grade they are given the opportunity to learn an instrument.  We spent lots of time trying to decide who wanted to learn what but we finally ended up with a violin, which Stephen has been playing for a few years and is pretty good at.  Dallas plays the trumpet and is excited to give lessons to our other trumpeter – Marek.  Evan chose the saxophone. Brenden is learning the viola and Lily landed the cello, so she can’t fall over since she is already sitting down to play.   

I keep thinking that we will calm down someday and relax, but we have added so many more lessons and performances to the calendar this year it makes my head spin.  They are all adorable though and I love having my kids learning something they want to learn about.  

Life would be a bit boring if we slowed down too much. Marek, the jokester, thought he was tricking me into taking his picture without having the bunny ears on Brenden. He laughed his head off when I just took it and didn’t tell him to smile and be nice. 

Here’s to another great day!